How I Stopped Feeling Ugly and Started Feeling Enough
Rejected for My Looks, Shattered by Self-Doubt — But Here’s How I Took My Confidence Back
It was 2016. I had just decided to put a pause on my studies due to financial reasons. I had failed my CA finals and, after months of struggle, managed to get a low-paying job.
I was almost 30. I had always postponed marriage, telling myself I would settle down once I became a CA. But that didn’t happen. As a single child, I saw my parents growing older. My mother could no longer manage household chores alone, and I knew she needed support. I needed a life partner. The pressure from society to get married was intense. Every now and then, a relative would call, trying to convince me to tie the knot.
But deep inside, I had doubts.
With a rented two-room kitchen, dependent parents, mounting debts with their continuously ticking interest, and a salary that barely covered our expenses — would I even be a good husband? I often asked myself.
Somehow, I pushed my doubts aside. Surrendering to fate, I finally decided to take the plunge.
One day, my maternal uncle told me they had found a suitable match for me. He asked me to dress my best for an upcoming family wedding, where I would meet my potential life partner.
Excitement surged through me. What would she look like? I fantasized about her every day leading up to the wedding.
The Wedding That Changed Everything
The big day arrived. It was a Sunday. I had bought a new outfit, eager to make the best first impression. Dressed immaculately and wearing my favorite perfume, I stepped into the wedding venue with my parents.
I mingled with friends and relatives, enjoying the food, playing with kids, and soaking in the celebration. But at the back of my mind, one thought lingered — When will I meet her?
Being a shy introvert, I didn’t have the courage to ask anyone directly. Every unfamiliar girl I saw, I wondered, Is she the one?
Finally, I mustered the courage to call my uncle. “Mama, where are you?” I asked, hesitating to bring up the real question.
“Beta, I’m a bit busy with wedding arrangements. I’ll call you back.”
I waited. Each passing moment felt like an eternity. I imagined her watching me from a distance. Maybe she was observing me, evaluating me.
As the wedding neared its end, uneasiness crept in. Where is she?
I called my uncle again, this time asking directly, “Mama, you said the girl’s family would be here to meet me?”
Silence. And then he spoke.
“No, they have cancelled. They are not coming.”
His words felt like a punch to my gut.
We left for home soon after, but something didn’t sit right. Something felt off.
The Truth That Shattered Me
Two days later, my maternal aunt called. Normally, I avoided these calls — they almost always led to the same dreaded question: When will you get married?
But that day, I picked up.
After the usual small talk, she said something that shook me.
“Ali, why don’t you get a hair transplant?”
You see, I am bald. My genetic hair loss started in my early twenties. I had been so engrossed in my studies that I didn’t even realize when I had lost almost all my hair.
“No. I don’t want that. It’s artificial, and besides, it’s too expensive. I don’t want to spend lakhs pretending to be someone I’m not,” I replied firmly.
She sighed. “But if you don’t, how will you get married? No Indian girl wants to marry a bald man.”
And then it hit me.
The girl I was supposed to meet at the wedding had refused to even see me — because of my baldness. My uncle had lied. They hadn’t canceled; they had rejected me outright. For something I had no control over.
My aunt’s words echoed in my mind.
“No Indian girl wants to marry a bald man.”
That night, my confidence shattered. I felt ugly. I started hating my reflection.
Why is this happening to me? What’s my fault in having genetic hair loss? Are looks really more important than who I am?
I was a non-smoker, a non-drinker, a vegetarian. A humble, respectful, down-to-earth person. A commerce graduate. A Certified Accounting Technician. A man who had always done his best. But none of it mattered. Because I was bald.
For months, I avoided mirrors. I couldn’t bear to see my own face. My self-esteem crumbled.
How I Reclaimed My Confidence
Fast forward to today — I am happily married to a beautiful, loving, and caring wife who loves me for who I am.
I love myself. I feel comfortable in my skin. I have unshakable confidence. People admire me. I often hear, “I wish I had your confidence.”
You might be wondering, How did this happen? How did someone who once felt ugly become a confidence coach?
I wish I could tell you it was easy. But it wasn’t. It didn’t happen overnight. It took deep inner work.
But if you feel like you’re not good enough, here are the mental shifts that helped me regain my confidence. These lessons changed my life. And they can change yours too.
- There will always be some people who will never like you, no matter how you look, what you do. Never admire to be liked by everyone. It’s a sure shot way of hating yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin. Be who you are. You liking yourself is more important than others liking you.
- How others treat you is just a reflection of how you treat yourself. If you think you are ugly, others will perceive you in the same way. If you don’t love yourself, no one else will. We subconsciously inject our dominant thoughts to people around us. If your dominant thoughts are I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve this. I’m ugly. You will inject these thoughts in people around you and soon they will start believing the same. Once they believe this, they will treat you like shit. But remember, it’s starting with your thoughts. And the good news is you can change your thoughts, you can change the way you look at yourself. I’m still the same bald man but now I get compliments that I look handsome being bald. What changed? My thoughts. How I perceive myself and this influenced the world and people around me.
- There’s something good in everything that’s happening. I don’t know what’s making you doubt your greatness. All I know is if that’s happening. It’s for your highest good. It’s just that you can’t see the good inside it, at the moment. When this incident happened to me, I could not see the benefits of that. But today when I look back, I thank God Almighty a million times for that rejection. Had that girl not refused me, I would not have been this confident. I had not got such a wonderful loving wife who loves me to my core. Had I got married to her, I would be struggling in a marriage where my partner doesn’t even like me. I thank that girl for rejecting me, had she not done that, I would not have immersed myself in self-love, liked myself and realized my true self-worth.
- Your weaknesses and imperfections are not curses, they are blessings. They are the best filters. They filter people who prioritize looks over heart, colour over character, body and beauty over soul. I would love to be alone rather than being with someone like that. I thank God Almighty for my baldness. Because my wife loves who I’m, not how I look. Thanks to this flaw, I attracted a life partner with whom bonding is from the soul and not just superficial.
- Your self-confidence is your biggest asset. Nobody will believe in you unless you first believe in yourself.
- Stop focusing on your weaknesses, flaws and imperfections. Nobody actually cares about it. Everyone has flaws. Nobody is perfect. People are too busy with their own flaws, challenges and struggles. Focus on your strengths. Focus on what you are good at. Find your God given gifts and talents. We are all gifted. It’s just that we don’t even realise our inner power.
- You are the creation of God. I know God doesn’t create shit, it’s Ungodly. God likes you the way you are, But Do you like yourself the way you are?
Finally, I want to tell you that You are beautiful the way you are. If you can’t see yourself like this, take my eyes and see yourself differently.
Beauty is a perception. For your mother, you are the most beautiful child on the planet. Someone might find you ugly, someone else might feel like you are the most sexy, irresistible and tempting person they can’t get enough of.
Just be Yourself. Believe in yourself. Accept yourself for who you are and let the Magic unfold.
Love!
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